I wanted to take a few minutes and address a fashion faux pas that I believe is restricted to my home state of South Carolina. It is the Southern staple:
Frat Boy in a Seersucker Suit with a Plaid Bowtie and old Rainbow flip flops
Oh yes ladies, it is ever as attractive as it sounds. I don't know that my description of this outfit can do it justice but I will try. Here is a step my step guide to looking like a tool at any college football tailgate...
Step 1. Pick out a seersucker suit. Extra points if it's just a bit snug. Now some of you oohh and ahh over the seersucker. Personally I don't think it should be worn unless you are playing the "old Southern lawyer" in a John Grisham novel or if you are selling chicken at your own national chain restaurant. Nevertheless I do acknowledge that approximately 4% of all males look good in this (J.Crew models included); however, any affection you will have for this suit is about to be quickly dashed.
Step 2. It's a football game and you simply cannot underestimate the need for formal wear at a 95 degree football game in the scorching late summer Carolina heat. Given these factors, you have no choice but to reach for the faithful red, navy and green plaid bowtie. The extra credit available in this round is if you abandon the respected order of things and add a navy bowtie featuring tiny palmetto trees. Add palmetto flip flops and you are one step closer to being governor.
Step 3. This is the kicker. Footwear. Now we have acknowledged the formality of Carolina football tailgating but an outfit such as this must represent that while you are a serious guy, you like to party (although the beer stains by the end of the day will likely do that). To show that you are ready to have fun you must pair this outfit with none other than the South Carolina go to footwear, the Rainbow Flip Flop. Now there are two opportunities for extra credit here. Extra Credit #1. If the pants are a bit too short so that your ankles are showing you get extra points and #2 if the flip flips are really old and worn you get extra points.
Now you can always go for this simple outfit but we must acknowledge the variations. First, I personally find this irresistible when a 6'1 overweight former high school linebacker wedges himself into this. Second, the Clemson suit sporting orange seersucker and a purple bowtie is the ultimate representation of this sensation.
Does anyone else agree with me that this is the worst outfit in the history of mankind? I look at every girl who lets their boyfriend wear this like, "Ummm seriously? You are okay being seen with a young Colonel Sanders in flip flops? Really? At least wear a tie that matches and flip flops with a suit?"
I feel like a weight has been lifted! I have been living under the oppression for many years and I have finally aired my grievance about this outfit! It has been aired! I feel better.
What's your fashion pet peeve?